When the time comes for children to move out of their parents’ house, most parents are happy. They can be excited to see their kids wanting to take responsibility for themselves and show their pride in raising their child into adulthood. The road with my parents though, was a bit windier.
I made the decision to not return to my dad’s house for the summer during the spring term of my sophomore year. My older sister, Audrey, had offered me the opportunity to live with her and her husband for the summer. Their house was no more than two miles from my dad’s, the only place I had ever lived besides my college dorms.
My parents are not ordinary. After 20 years as their child, I was well aware of this. Therefore, I wanted to plan how to break the news to them, a calculated conversation to not only explain, but also to talk-up the decision I had already made. Audrey, however, was not so deliberate. She let the news slip before I could say anything. And when I found out, I was overcome with nervousness in facing my decision.
Mom’s conversation came first. I knew she wouldn’t be ecstatic about the decision, but her reaction didn’t scare me. From my dorm room, I knew exactly what was coming through the phone before she even said it.
In short: “Why are you moving out of your dad’s to live with Audrey? Why don’t you live with me? I have offered plenty of times before. Can you even live there? I have a bed for you. A real bed.”
She actually said that. A real bed. My sister and I had a great laugh about it later. I explained to my mother that Audrey’s house did in fact have a real-life bed for me to sleep on and how it wasn’t personal and the location was better. On and on, I said anything to get her off the phone. Which, in all honesty, is my go-to move when talking to her. She will keep me on the phone for hours nodding and yes-ing along as she talks to herself about anything she can think of. I left out that I couldn’t handle conversations like this every day living in her house and that my decision to move out was no different than hers when she divorced my father and moved an hour away when I was 12. It would have only dragged the conversation on longer.
Talking with my mom was tough. My patience was tested and mind bored. I was prepared for it, though. With her, I knew what to expect and the harsh truth is that I cared much less what she had to say than my dad. He was a wildcard. How he would react struck fear in me. I didn’t want him to be upset at my decision or think I was leaving his house because I didn’t want to be around him. I wanted to think he would understand the choice. After all, he knows better than anyone the difficulty of living in that house.
In the house was my dad, brother, brother’s girlfriend, their daughter, my sister and her daughter. Crying, clutter, daily 7 a.m. noise, tip-toeing at 1 a.m. and arguments were the most notable features of the house. Not exactly an ideal situation for a 20-year-old man. These things that I was trying to escape were, however, also part of the reason I feared my dad’s reaction. Growing up, I had helped him deal with some of our family situations. I was always willing to talk, always willing to help. I learned it from him. No matter what happened, he would do anything to help my siblings and I. He is a hero for that.
The dreaded conversation was short. I saved it for my last day at school before returning home across the state for the summer.
“So you’re going to live with Audrey?”
“Yeah, that’s the plan.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea?”
“Yeah, I think it will be fine.”
“Ok, do you need anything from me?”
“Not that I can think of. But I will probably come by tomorrow to pick some things up from the house when I get home.”
“Ok, well I’ll be at work till 6.”
Simple. To the point. And little emotion. My dad and I were definitely cut from the same cloth. The little feeling he did convey worried me though. He definitely wasn’t excited about the choice. I always valued our relationship while growing up. He is someone I admire and I did not want him to think I was leaving to avoid him.
I never did make it to his house that next day though. By the time I made it to Audrey’s and stacked all my things into my new room, I was off again. To see a movie with friends or play basketball, I don’t even know. It was the same as if I was returning to my dad’s. Nothing major would even change. Between his daily schedule and mine, the interaction with my him would be limited anyway. Finding a new balance for our relationship would come. And though I was still harboring some worry after our conversation, I was happy. Not only with my decision, but happy to have and seize the opportunity to decide.
Danny,
ReplyDeleteI thought you did a great job in developing your relationship with your parents. The two separate conversations helped to define your relationship with each of them as separate and unique; you really developed your parents as woven in characters.
I also liked that you only provided the give and take style dialogue with your dad. I thought it reflected the closeness of your relationship as opposed to the description of the drawn out conversation with your mom. The background about your parents divorce and the reasoning behind you not wanting to live at your mom’s provided a lot of insight.
I have a few suggestions as to where you could develop elements a little bit more. You talk about how you wanted to make a plan to break the news to your parents -- what was that internal process like? Did you have any ideas before Audrey went ahead and told them?
You did a good job in describing the chaos of your Dad’s house, but I think you can do more with it. Maybe more graphic detailing about the arguments/clutter? Also, after the conversation with your dad you talk about how you were alarmed about the little emotion he showed. What was it? Was it noticeable in his voice over the phone? Was there a pause? How could you tell he was affected?
It may also be interesting to play around with the ending paragraph. Maybe instead of ending with how you thought your summer would progress (“nothing major would even change... interaction with him would be limited.....etc.) you could lead us with a few details of how the summer/your relationship with your dad actually played out.
Your piece is pretty personal, which I know can be difficult to write about (especially for a class where you know others can see it), so I think it’s really cool that you felt comfortable enough to share it!
ReplyDeleteI haven’t personally moved out of the house yet, but I can only imagine how my mother will react when I do, and I related to your story on that level. I really enjoyed the dialogue you included from your conversation with your father, and I thought it helped a lot in showing your relationship with him.
I think during parts of the piece you fall into telling rather than showing. I think the framework and the overall themes are strong, but you could flesh out certain passages with a bit more detail or dialogue. For example, you said your parents aren’t ordinary, but instead of saying you were aware of that as their child, could you cite a couple specific instances? Maybe bring up particularly ridiculous or humorous situations. You could also describe the chaotic nature of your dad’s house with some more sensory detail.
If you tweak it in those areas, I think you could make this already strong piece even stronger.
I think that you mirrored your narrative structure off of your encounters with both your dad and mom very well, which portrayed your relationship with both very well. However, I do agree with Paula in that you did a lot more telling rather than showing. More powerful language and imagery might convey these relationships better than just an explanation. The framework is all here, and it makes for an interesting story, but you could flesh out and detail so much more in order to make it more compelling to read.
ReplyDeletePersonal, to me, doesn't seem to be the aim of your story--as odd as that might sound. I found that your characterizations of your parents, your father as "cut from the same cloth" and "simple," along with the dry acknowledgement of your mother's seemingly illogical arguments e.g. "She actually said that. A real bed. My sister and I had a great laugh about it later." gave readers a good sense of what was going on inside your head at th time.
ReplyDeleteHowever, in agreement with Paula, there was a desire for some more detail. "We had a great laugh" just doesn't cover the relation about why it is funny to you and your sister, and also alienates people from understanding your mother as character. Of course she is going to try and plead with you--but why are you laughing? Not that you shouldn't be laughing, I just don't think it comes across in the piece.
I don't know if you need the "I never did..." paragraph, as it feels a little too structured. Seems almost like a "at the end of the day" sort of thing. Don't devalue your own reflections, especially when it comes to what appears to be the meat of your story, i.e. why moving out of your parents was an "experience."
I really like the way that you’re able to show the character of your mother through your explanation of her. The rapid-fire pace of the questions lends itself well to the sort of grilling that you’re getting from your mother about moving in with your sister instead of her. I also enjoyed the personal nature of this story. It’s not something easy to talk about, so I really enjoy reading these types of pieces when people are unafraid. For the next draft, I’d like to learn a little bit more about your relationship with each parent individually. It could be something small, but it would help us get a better idea of what’s to come when you talk to them on the phone, and could serve as a change of pace when you hear the unexpected from your father. Also, what was the thought process that made you think that your father was going to get really mad at you? This is another reason why having some character depth to your parents would help out. And I think you were getting at this a little bit, but what was the worry that you harbored after talking to your dad? I’d like to hear about that. Overall, great job, and I’m really looking forward to seeing the changes!
ReplyDeleteThis is a really important moment that deserves action, dialogue, and self-reflection, all of which you give. The tensions you create between you and the family, and between the other family members, makes it a compelling piece. We sense the leadership you have had within the family, so we understand why this is going to be a pivotal event.
ReplyDeleteThere were a few points of disconnect for me: how does your parents not being ordinary tie into your needing to create a calculated plan for telling them about the move? You get at this toward the end of the piece, but why is it that you feel a special anxiety with your father? Also, did/do you feel guilty about “escaping”? If so, does this guilt come from the importance of family in your life? What does the very blunt conversation with your mom at the end say about your relationship with her? I wanted to get a better feel for why you and your mom interact the way you do.
It’s interesting that the whole piece is a build up to a rather anti-climatic ending, where everything was kind of the same. I think this would make a good symbolic ending, rather than the reflection you end on.
I also wonder if this could be a stronger piece if you zoom in on one relationship, like your dad (he’s clearly one of the most significant characters in the piece as we see in the end), instead of trying to fit in everyone’s interactions with each other.
I think you really mastered the way your family communicates here. I think I personally have a tendency to explain too much and not get to the point. Your use of short, tense sentences really drives the piece and makes the difficult conversation feel important, like it could break and people are just holding themselves together.
ReplyDeleteWhile the interactions were very strong, I agree with Paula and Zac that a little more description about the characters themselves, some zooming in, would really push the narrative further and makes us feel for them as individuals, and not a tense family moment.